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Get Real
}} Roy, Haley, and Elan are stuck in their dream world, until Elan unravels the illusion. Cast * The Order of the Stick ** Roy Greenhilt ◀ ▶ ** Haley Starshine ◀ ▶ ** Elan ◀ ▶ ** Belkar Bitterleaf ◀ ▶ ** Durkon Thundershield ◀ ▶ * Nale ◀ ▶ * Tarquin ◀ ▶ * Sabine (as bridesmaid) ◀ ▶ * Celia ◀ ▶ * Malack ◀ ▶ * Empress of Blood ◀ ▶ * Elan's Mother ◀ Transcript Malack: —in hit point loss and ability score gain— Malack: —whether above or below the wealth-by-level guidelines— Malack: —for as long as you both shall live? Tarquin: I do. Malack: Really, this time? Tarquin: Really. Malack: If there should be any that know of any reason these two should not be joined in sacred matrimony— Malack: —let them speak now or forever hold their peace. Elan (whispering): Don't say anything. Nale: I'm not going to. Elan: ... Elan: You're not? Nale: No. Elan: Why not? Nale: What? Elan: Why aren't you objecting? What's your scheme? Nale: Why would I object? Elan: I don't know. There's like a billion reasons. Nale: What is your problem? This is what you want, right? Elan: Yeah... it is. This is what I've always wanted. Elan: But that... Elan: That doesn't make it right. Elan: STOP! I'm speaking now and forever dropping my peace! Tarquin: Elan, while I do appreciate the well-worn cliché of the interrupted ceremony— Elan: No, Dad, listen: Elan: All of my life, I've always dreamed about you coming back and marrying Mom again. Elan: But now that I've met you? You're a terrible person! Mom is better off alone! Elan: I get now that the two of you got divorced for actual reasons, and Dad, you haven't changed. Elan: Heck, if anything, I think you may have gotten worse! Elan: Mom, if I can figure this out, then I know you can, too. Elan: So then why are you suddenly getting back together with him now, after all these years? Elan's Mother: For you, sweetie. I'm doing it for you. Elan: But you got divorced to keep Dad away from me. Elan's Mother: ...Right. Elan: And Nale—you HATE me! And Dad! Why are you just standing there?!? Nale: Oh, come on. Stop being so melodramatic, Elan. Nale: This is just like you, to try to take something and make it all about yourself. Nale: Did you ever think that maybe I'm tired of fighting, and I just want to enjoy one day with my family? Elan: No, that—that's not how you would react to this. That's how I would want you to react. Elan: At the very least, you should be trying to kill me for being chosen Best Man over you! Empress of Blood:: When do we get to catch the bride? I'm hungry. Sabine: After the reception, I think? Elan: Roy, Haley—I think this is some sort of fantasy world. I mean, a more-fantasy-than-usual world. Elan: DOUBLE FANTASY!! Haley: Elan, honey, calm down. Elan: But guys—don't you see? It's giving us our heart's desires! Or something sorta close. Roy: I really have even less idea what you're babbling about than normal. Elan: Haley, you liberated Azure City, put your dad in charge of the Thieves' Guild, and got stinking filthy rich in the process. Elan: Roy, you beat Xykon, got your dad's approval, and proved to the world that fighters don't suck. Roy: So what? We worked hard and achieved our goals. What's wrong with that? Elan: Nothing! 'Cause the goals you guys wanted were all pretty good ideas. Elan: But half of the stuff I wanted was stupid childish ideas that should have never happened. Elan: And they did anyway!! Elan: What about Dad's evil empire? Roy, don't you find it weird that after we beat Xykon, we just sort of didn't worry about it? Roy: Now that you mention it...that is the sort of thing I would normally try to expose. Elan: I think that's because deep down, I don't want to have to fight him. Elan: But it doesn't matter what I want! It doesn't matter what any of us wants! Elan: What's real... Elan: ...is that my family is screwed up and broken. Elan: And it's not going to just get magically fixed, ever. Durkon: What about me, lad? I dinnae get me 'eart's desire. I'm still exiled from me homeland. Elan: Durkon, I'm sorry... but I don't think you're really here. I think you're dead. Roy: ELAN!! Haley: No, Roy—I think he's right. Remember? Belkar told us about it in the pyramid. Roy: Yeah, but that was just a lie Belkar made up. We found Durkon right after Xykon went down. Roy: ...Didn't we? Elan: Roy, I don't think Xykon was ever really there. I don't think that fight happened at all. Elan: I don't think ANYTHING has really happened for a long time. Elan: We still need to finish all the stuff we started. Roy: So, what, we're still there? Roy: We're not at a wedding, we're just standing around in a dungeon in the middle of the desert? Beat Roy: Ah, hell. We are, aren't we? Elan, Haley, and Roy snap out of the illusion. Elan: Plus, it woulda been weird for everyone to mention that Girard was into illusions and then not see, like, any. Elan: Who wastes perfectly good foreshadowing like that? D&D Context * The marriage vows Malack recites are D&D versions of traditional vows: ** "in hit point loss and ability score gain" uses D&D game mechanics to say "in sickness and in health". ** "wheather above or below the wealth-by-level guidelines" corresponds to "for richer or for poorer". Trivia * Double Fantasy is the title of a 1980 album by John Lennon and Yoko Ono. It was the final studio album released by John Lennon; he was murdered three weeks after its release. * This is the final appearance of Elan's Mother in the comics to date. She first appeared in #50, The Semi-Secret Origin of Elan & Nale. External Links * 889}} View the comic * 284384}} View the discussion thread Category:Girard's Gate Destroyed